Choice Moments Blog

I love you a hundred times this many!

Carrie H. | Treatment Parent Specialist — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 20:17:38 GMT

Cassie walked in the room while I was visiting with her case worker. She help up her arms as wide as she could and said, “Granny, I love you a hundred times this many!” What was the most precious moment for me.

A Light in the Dark

Nadine C. | Treatment Parent Specialist — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 20:17:25 GMT

I remember when Sara came into my room and said, “Mom, I think my light is coming on.”
I was puzzled and asked what she meant by this. Sara said, “I couldn’t hear or understand what adults would say to me, but now I can.”

I was so excited and agreed that she had started to change. Now her eyes shine with love and happiness like they never had before. She is a changed little girl.

22 and still "hugable"

Mary G. | Treatment Parent Specialist — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 20:17:16 GMT

John had been with us for about 5 months. During this time he would not allow ANYONE to touch him in any way. One day while going to the store he said that he loved me and I could hug him. This was a real turning point in his life and ours. He stayed with us and continues to stay with us. He is now 22 years old, and still wants hugs.

A Big Step

Kristi Selensky | Choices for Life Counselor — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:20:35 GMT

An adorable 7 year old girl with Aspergers has struggled with intense fear of trying new things since she was first placed in a Choices for Life foster home. Every time the family goes to the lake she watches as the other children climb high onto the rocks to jump down into a lagoon. You can see the desire in her eyes to join the others but she has been paralyzed by her fear, being content to hop down from a much lower rock. Last week this little girl climbed up with the other children and jumped without fear or worry into the lake from the much higher rocks. Her foster parents beamed with pride and so did the child. They clapped and cheered and celebrated her success with their friends and family. They knew what a big step this was for her and were grateful that they were able to be there for her in her moment of triumph.

Saved a young boy's life

Angela | | Treatment Parent Specialist — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 20:17:58 GMT

When Bradley was in the restroom at school he noticed a child was panicking, Bradley calmed the boy down was able to find out that the boy had swallowed a coin and it was lodged in the back of this throat. Bradley kept the boy calm as he led him to the office and then to the nurse to find help. Every time the boy began to cry Bradley soothed him and slowed his breathing enough to continue their search for an adult. The school nurse later called and said that Bradley had most likely saved the young boy’s life.

Can we rescue another child from the hospital?

John Richardson | Former Choices for Life Counselor — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 20:04:59 GMT

A foster mom was surprised and delighted to hear her current foster son ask "Can we rescue another child from the hospital?" She had never thought of it in that way, to be rescuing a child. It gave her pride to think that her foster son saw her home as a safe haven and was eager to share it with another child in need of saving.

The Journey of Healing & Hope

Deborah & Bryan | Treatment Parent Specialists — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 20:05:14 GMT

We chose to be foster parents because we wanted to be a positive influence in the life of a child. This influence began with the very first child who came into our home. When she first came into our home, she would not look at us, and she appeared very distant. Now she makes direct eye contact and shows emotion, gives hugs, and acts like a child who isn’t in foster care.

As foster parents you learn to be grateful for the little things. We received a Valentine’s card that one of our children made for us. She took so much time decorating it, and she wrote inside that she loves us very much. We know that we are truly making a difference in this child’s life.

So much can be learned from being a foster parent. By opening our hearts and home to a child in need, it has taught us a lot about ourselves. It has taught us that we can do something amazing with our lives and help others that are in need.

Our fondest memory is that of a little girl’s first day in our home. She could hardly sit still. You could tell she was full of emotions, very excited to be welcomed into our home. We wanted to take away her pain and make her all better; however, it is something that just takes time. I (Deborah) understood this. As a little girl I too struggled with things. My family was very dysfunctional. Even though I was never in foster care, there were times I felt unheard, unwanted, and unloved.

For many years I did not understand what was normal and healthy. As I grew older I began to see patterns in my life that reflected that of my dysfunctional family. I wanted that cycle to be broken. I began to seek healing for myself, making positive changes, and making my life better. As much as I hurt when I was a child, I knew someday that I would make something good come from my life and my bad childhood.

I was neglected in so many ways as a child, and I can’t think of a better way to make sure that neglect doesn’t happen to other children. We want to help foster children who have gone through the same trials and tribulations that I went through.

So my husband and I chose to become foster parents. We have everything to offer a child in need. We have a strong, healthy marriage and have plenty of love to give a child while they’re on their journey of healing and hope.

Saying "I love you" & meaning every word ...

Karen & Thomas | Treatment Parent Specialists — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 20:05:44 GMT

Walt Whitman spoke of a child that came and went every day. In his poem "There Was a Child Went Forth," the child looked upon things in his surroundings and slowly became the object that he saw. The child in Whitman's poem is a lot like a foster child. A child can come and go and is always affected by the things around him. As the child in the poem, our dwellings shape our character, influence the way we think and even our personality, as well as the kind of life we live.

Foster children come into your home feeling very alone, yet like all children, they need love and have lots of love to give. All children have a need for understanding, security, and acceptance, which is essential for a child's stability. A child needs healthy attachments, allowing a child to love, to become a good friend, and to have a great model for future relationships. A family is very important for this, and that is why we have decided to take the step to become foster parents.

We do not have any grandchildren, and we have decided that it was about time that we had some kids running around the house. We know there are lots of children in need of a home full of hope and love, a healing environment. Our main goal is to change and influence a child's life in a positive way by providing a loving and caring home for those in need. We want to give these children a life that is rich with family, friends, and personal growth.

Being a foster parent is about providing a structured and organized environment. It is astounding how many positive changes you can see in children who come from such harsh backgrounds. After they learn that they can depend on you, we've seen them learn boundaries, stop hitting other children, learn how to get along with others, and share. They take their place in a family and truly learn the meaning of love and being loved.

When thinking back about all our foster children, the most meaningful thing that the children have given us are not objects that we can hold. It is memories of the kids reaching for us and hugging us before they say goodbye, and hearing them say "I love you" and meaning every word. Everyone wants to be needed and loved, even foster parents. It's a blessing to have these children in our lives.

Choices for Life helps equip and support foster parents with educational training, helping to familiarize the parent with what to expect and how to deal with different children and diverse situations. They not only prepare the foster parent for the child coming into the home, but they help with situations when they arise.

Being a Choices for Life therapeutic foster parent is very rewarding. To have children come into your home with nothing and to be able to clean them up and transform them is sometimes amazing - it is like nothing else. To see a child go home after their parents have completed training and to know that you have changed that child's life forever is a wonderful feeling.

One of the major struggles of foster parenting is hearing children cry at night wanting their parent. Comforting them is not always enough, but with time, they will learn that you will give them a safe place to stay until they can return home to their family. It can be hard dealing with the constant struggles of fighting at school, wetting the bed, and being defiant. These are just a few problems, but in the end, the good always outweighs the bad because we are making a positive influence in these kids' lives.

When making the decision to become a therapeutic foster family, I (Karen) checked out agencies all over town. I was able to speak to someone on the other line that was courteous and respectful and able to answer all my questions. When a real crisis or emergency arises, I want to be able to talk with someone, not an answering machine. Life happens. When it does, you don't want to get an answering machine. You want to be able to speak to a person. That is why we chose Choices for Life. They have always been there to answer our call.

Listening to and comforting a child will have a critical, long-lasting effect on a child's life. It's a positive impact to help a child recognize and change their life. Being a foster parent and spending time with these children has been one of the best choices that we have ever made.

Planting a seed of love

Wesley & Jeri | Treatment Parent Specialists — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 20:05:30 GMT

We noticed that our biological children were attending school with children that seemed to need a little help. We knew we could make a positive change in the lives of those who are less fortunate, and so that is what we set out to do. We never dreamed that it would change our lives along the way.

When we chose to be therapeutic foster parents, we knew we were taking on a lot. When a child comes into our home, they have a hardened heart. They are full of anger and hatred, and to be able to see those things fall away is a blessing. We see children learn to trust and love again. We include our biological children, 15 and 11, in the process, and they are truly positive role models for each child who has been placed in our care.

One of the greatest gifts we receive from our foster children in our care is a simple hug and the words "I love you" after their hearts were softened and they feel safe in our home. The fact that these feelings come from the heart, and that they are learning to trust and love, is indescribable.

We learn so much from each child in our care, but our biggest lesson is never to give up on a child. They did not choose to be where they are in life. The fact that we are given the opportunity to mold them and be positive role models in their lives for the short amount of time that we have them is a blessing. They have taught us to be dependable, caring of others, and forgiving, not only among our family members, but also towards those we meet in our everyday life.

Choices for Life has taught us not only how to be therapeutic foster parents, but how to be better parents to our biological children. Through Choices for Life we are given support from wonderful counselors who not only understand the therapeutic foster children and our own children, but they also help us deal with the changes that we are encountering in our new life. This agency has the most loving and caring people we have ever met, and they have always provided us with everything we have needed.

Being Choices for Life therapeutic foster parents is a choice that should not be made lightly. For us, the rewarding experience of seeing a child change from a harden heart to a happy child is what reassures us that we are doing the right thing for our family and the children out there who are in need of loving homes. We are reassured to know that we have made a difference in a child's life.

When we think back about all of our foster children we have had over the years, one of our greatest moments come to mind. About four years ago we were called to pick up a therapeutic foster child. He has lived with us for three and half years and as of this past November, his adoption was finalized. Never in our widest dreams did we ever think we would become therapeutic foster parents and now we have been blessed with another child.

While being a foster parent has had many blessings, we have had struggles. Challenges have presented themselves to us in many ways, but the biggest one we have come up against is the fact that siblings in the foster care system can be separated. This is something that broke our hearts. After caring for a child in our home who had 3 siblings in the system who were not with him, we set out to correct this and with God's help and the help of Choices for Life, we conquered the system and made it possible for his family to live together in our home. It was hard having seven children under one roof, but these children lived with us for a year and a half until they returned home. I know now that I did all that I could for them and having those children made us a stronger family.

As therapeutic foster care parents, we planted a seed of love and care in each of their hearts and we know that they will never forget being a part of our family. I wrote a letter to the biological mom and told her that God truly blessed her with four angels and we were so blessed to have had them in our lives. Being a therapeutic foster care home is a choice our family made and a choice we will never regret.

Touching 226 lives ...

Linda & Robert | Treatment Parent Specialists — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 20:06:00 GMT

I (Linda) first became interested in becoming a foster parent during the time that I worked in the newborn nursery as a LPN. At Oklahoma University Hospital, I remember seeing so many of the newborn babies with drugs in their little systems and not being able to go home with their mothers. It broke my heart. These newborns where sent to DHS because of neglect or abuse from drug infected mothers. The mothers could be discharged from the hospital and return to their drug infested lives, but the children would be left for weeks without a mother to care for them, just waiting for a home.

My job inspired us to open our home to all children, regardless of age, race, or background. With my husband spending more time at home due to a disability, we saw this as an opportunity to become foster parents. Being foster parents has not only benefited the children we have taken into our home, but it has benefited us as well. We have been able to share our favorite holiday with these wonderful children. Christmas time at our house is a holiday like no other, filled with lots of joy and laughter. Being able to share that with the children has not only brought smiles to our faces but to the children that we have had in our home.

Throughout the years, we have fostered 226 children. I have every one of their names and still keep track of them to this day. It is very rewarding to know that we have helped so many children. We hear from them often. They still tend to call us "Mom and Dad." The first child we had is now 21 years old. When he came into our home he was 12 and his brother was 9 years old. It's hard to believe we have been fostering for so long, but we cannot imagine our lives any other way.

We have been able to live a life style of pleasure and some pain. We are both senior citizens, but the children truly keep us young. During our time as foster parents, we have been able to travel the U.S., often taking the children with us.

Being a foster parent has changed our lives, and we are so happy that we took the opportunity to become foster parents all those years ago. If we had not, we would have never been able to touch the lives of the children that we have met along the way.